Two Dumps

Stir Fried Robot

2009-12-10T12:44:00.001-08:00

I admit, I've only tried this with Merrin Robotics Model WVG-3, but I think it would be good with just about any authentic Merrin maintenance bot.

Ingredients:

Merrin WVG-3 Maintenance Bot (or any Merrin bot)

1 cans WD-40

1 sticks cinnamon, ground (cassia variety is fine)

1 head bok choy (napa cabbage is OK, too, maybe even better)

2 carrots, grated

salt

Hong Kong style stir fry noodles

Cooking:

First, pull off the bot's solar panel and rip out the battery underneath. Tear off any wires that got yanked and put them in a glass bowl.
Remove all the bronze plating and store it somewhere; you can sell it later
De-bolt and de-wire: carefully remove all bolts with your screwdriver set, and yank out any wires you come across on the way. Put them into the glass bowl
Cut all pieces of the bot into thin strips with your diamond cleaver
Mix your Hong Kong style noodles into the glass bowl with the wires
Heat up some WD-40 in your wok and add some of the cinnamon
Put in the bot strips, cook until brown
Add the bok choy and carrots; stir fry 3 minutes
Turn the heat up to high and add the noodles and wires. Stir fry about 2-3 more minutes.
Add some salt and more cinnamon to taste. Soy sauce could be added, too, but is optional.

Done! Serves one.

On behalf of the lady from California

2009-07-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

With a single post my dear friend Jordan is about to surpass my contributions to this blog for the year by about 100 words.

That's on the heels of having a pretty busy month already; she drove across a continent, saw Ben Folds perform live, visited Ikea, swam in 76 different US states, patted the dog you see to the right, and cooked this delicious sounding meal:

I made a great shrimp dish last night. A scampi of sorts, I suppose. Here's what I did:

First cut up one green and one red pepper and a half a pound of mushrooms. Sautee until about 2/3 of the way done. Remove from heat. In the same skillet as more olive oil and about 4-5 cloves of garlic (depending on size). When the garlic is 1/2 way done, throw in a pound of peeled, raw shrimp. Once the shrimp starts turning pink, add the vegetables, the juice of 1 and 1/2 lemons, a bunch of fresh chopped basil, about 1/2 cup of white wine, and some salt and pepper. Cook this until the shrimp is done. While you are doing all of this, cook some linguine. I like to serve this on a platter like this: bed of mixed greens (spinach and arugula preferable), then pasta, then shrimp mix. The greens wilt but add a fantastic bite! I also top the dish with some parmesean and leave it out for people to add their own. Enjoy!

The bottom line is, she's been busy.

Give me back my bread!

2009-07-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

I made a loaf of bread in my breadmaker, but it refused to dislodge itself from the pan. After much violent shaking, the loaf finally thunked onto the table. The breadmaker crankle that kneads the dough was missing; it was inside the loaf.

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BTW, post title should be read a la Mel Gibson in Ransom "Give me back my son"

Rediscovery: Cinnamon Toast

2009-07-09T16:44:00.001-07:00

Lately, I’ve been having a rather severe hankering for cinnamon (the cassia variety). Listen up: cinnamon toast is a really good quick snack. To celebrate this rediscovery, butter some toast, sprinkle on some sugar and cinnamon, and enjoy.

'Kraut 'n 'Basa

2009-01-16T16:36:00.000-08:00

Here's a recipe for you dummies: Kielbasa and sauerkraut.

Why this? 1. It's super easy: takes just 30 minutes, and all the ingredients are ready to eat so there's little risk of you making yourself sick, dummy. Most of the ingredient quantities are 1 of something or there's no number at all, saving you the trouble of having to deal with fractions and multiples, dummy. 2. It's delicous. A difficult-to-cook meal is not always tasty, and easy-to-cook does not mean shitty tasting.

FOODSTUFF:

1 kielbasa sausage (kind that loops around, otherwise 2 (sorry))
1 pound of sauerkraut
1 onion
1 green pepper
oil
mustard
salt
pepper

COOKGUIDE

Chop up veggies (but not the sauerkraut, dummy)
Chop up kielbasa
Heat up a little oil in a frying pan
Add the kielbasa and veggies to the frying pan and cook them for a few minutes until the veggies have softened a bit
Add the sauerkraut and get everything nice and hot
Add a little mustard, salt, and pepper to season to your liking
PUT SOME IN MOUTH, DUMMY
CHEW IT
SWALLOW
Repeat steps 7-9 until the food is gone

Tom Waits & The Ham Weekend

2009-01-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

Anticipate a ham related post in the near future.

In the meantime I was playing around with TuneRooms earlier today and made a little project using some cheesy/beautiful music Licensed under a CC Share Alike by a user named critterbiscut.

Tom Waits reads The Grapes of Wrath

Thanksgiving Post Moratorium

2008-11-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

I'd like to thank all of this blog's editors for their strict compliance with our unwritten policy of avoiding Thanksgiving-related food postings. A touching act displaying this community's intense solidarity with the conquered indigenous American people.

Kanien’Kahake.

Editor Bonanza

2008-11-20T14:37:00.000-08:00

Two Dumps has acquired some fresh new talent!

We've also got a bold new strategy to match and we couldn't be happier. The new plan is to actually make blog posts. This is in direct contrast to our previous plan which centered around allowing the domain to sit dormant for up to, and over, a year.

Please welcome to the blog:

A) Ms. Margaret Price of Arlington, Massachusetts (at this hour disposed sadly thumbing through an issue of a weapons catalog).

B) Mr Joseph Hebert of Somewhere in Connecticut USA (without peer at all hours, regardless of how he might be occupied).

Welcome them in the manner most befitting the occasion. Which, according to blog ritual, seems to be dick jokes in the comments section.

It's also worth noting that we're taking submissions for new hackergotchi for use over at Planet Mikix.

Soup du nuit

2008-11-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

Last night, Bin made some soup. It seems she put tea leaves in the soup because she heard it would help the stew beef tenderize faster, but she didn't mention it to me. I didn't sleep well and woke up like 6 times that night. I couldn't figure out what was keeping me up.

When I got up for work, she asked me, "Did you sleep well?"

"No."

"Me either. I think it's because of the tea leaves I put in the soup."

Project in Progress

2008-02-17T09:07:00.001-08:00

These Bean Sprouts Have Tied It All Together

2006-08-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

A while ago I realized that if I kept eating lunch the way I was going it would only take a year or so before I was fat and broke (and sick of eating lunch). Not wanting to go shopping more than once a week and not wanting to eat the same damn thing every day were my first priorities. I also wanted to see if I could get away with less than $5 a day.

I realized that if I wanted to eat well, have variety and not waste money on my food going bad I'd have to plan pretty carefully. For me, the bean sprouts tied it all together.

Here's a purchasing list for items that will faithfully make 3 separate lunches. A tuna sandwich, a deli meat sandwich and a decent salad. Goddamn it if bean sprouts aren't in all three.

Biggest problem solver: You can have lettuce (or baby spinach) on your sandwich without worrying about buying a whole bunch of lettuce and then throwing it away. You're gonna use the lettuce in the salad. Problem solved (ass).

Throw the bean sprouts and the spinach/lettuce on everything. It's only gonna be better because you did.

The prices below reflect within a dollar the price of these items as purchased at Trader Joe's.
Constants (one time/infrequent purchases):

Salad Dressing (~2.50)
Horseradish (2.09)
Mustard (2.50)
Mayo (3.50)
raisins (4.00)
Walnuts (5.00)

Bi-Weekly:

Deli Meat (~5.00)
Cheese Slices (3.50)
Red Onion (~1.75)
Bread (2.50)
hummus (3.00)
Large can Tuna (3.50)
Celery (2.50)

Weekly:

Baby Carrots (1.25)
Box of Prewashed Baby Spinach (2.99)

Lunch always consists of the main course, (sandwich/salad) and then a small side of carrots and hummus or celery sticks.

Several brilliant points to save on prep time:

Cut up your onion once (thin thin rings, that shit's intense) and then throw it in some tuperware. It'll keep for at least three weeks without any harm done. You can use a big onion every day for that long and still throw some out at the end. Onions are awesome.
Make your tuna salad in a big batch and save it. Seems like it lasts at least a work-week, might last through the weekend too. So far I haven't been bold enough to try.

I can't help but acknowledge that this post has been in the works for almost two weeks and the only reason I'm finally pushing it out now is to see what my avatar looks like over at PlanetMikix.

Mission Statement: To little to late

2006-07-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

Before I continue to bring everyone up to speed on the nature of my lunch let me do something I should have done a while ago. I want to lay out the intentions of this food centric blog.

Casual cooking is primarily learned and taught through direct experience starting with the every day examples set by a person's parents. There's a couple of problems with learning to food in that manner.

You hated what your parents cooked
You didn't really have to think about shopping and maintains food supplies
Crap food is enticingly cheap
You are lazy

Granted that bullet list wandered a bit at the end, but I think you see what I'm getting at. This is a blog about food. Deal with it.

Let me lay out the outlook for the blog for everyone who doesn't read, or doesn't believe the information contained in, blog descriptions: This blog will continue to talk about [eating,| preparing| storing| shopping for| pooping out] food, at some point it also might talk a little about growing and distributing food as well.

I am specifically trying to not make out with someone

2006-06-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

This caught me by surprise when I found out, but it's true. My tip-off was my lunch. I didn't realize when I was putting it together but I have crafted a meal that is almost exactly the opposite of Ton-Loc's funky cold medina.

Read and Understand.

How to make breath like ass, a lunch by Nick Garner;

Sandwich

Roast Beef
Horse Radish
Swiss Cheese
Coleslaw
Red onion

Sides

Salt and Pepper Chips
Pickle

(It is important to note that this sandwich is not even very good.)

UPDATE: Today (Tuesday, June 27th) I made a substitute of humus in for the coleslaw and horse radish. It was way more palatable without being any less offensive for my breath!

I have been assimilated

2006-06-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is what a section of my task bar looks like for almost the whole day.

Lunch Amok

2006-06-12T12:08:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly two weeks since I've gone to the trouble of bringing lunch to work. A difficult two weeks; the result being that I've felt a bit like a money sieve .

Today's at work lunch expedition traveled to the local Panera Bread. I've done a complete 180 on Panera since my first experience. At first glance the food seemed healthy enough, the service was speedy and the decor was corporate comfortable. I admired the simplicity and speed of the ordering/pickup system, which uses a number of vibrating coasters to notify patrons when their food is ready.

The problem is that if you look too closely at any sandwich from Panera you will find a Big Mac. The only difference is that at Panera everything tastes like I'm taking hits off a NutraSweet hookah. Eating there gives me exactly the same feeling that I get from eating at a place like Wendy's. It's the feeling where you feel only semi-necessary to the digestive process; as if most of the work's already been done for you.

I'm not saying I'm a glutton for digestive exercise, that I'd prefer to grind the grain with my own teeth and bake the bread in my stomach, but at fast food restaurants I barely feel involved. The food seems to feel the same way. It doesn't even stick around in my system long enough to leave any nutrients behind. It's all: "Yo dude, I am out. I got a thing to do."

Bottom Line: Panera Sucks and I've got to get back to bringing my own lunch. The satisfaction of being lunch-self-reliant is tangible, and I miss it. Right now I'm giving up that feeling and replacing it with the feeling of eating diet-flavored laxatives.

That's a load.

A special Link

2006-05-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

My disappointment to find this was already taken is deeply soothed by the fact that this is exactly what I had in mind for the site anyway.

Thread bare

2006-05-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

Sarah made a noteable picture this week, but at the time everyone was really excited about talking about dicks. Let's enjoy this great picture by making some more dick comments!

Discovering a New Terror

2006-05-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

Joe helped me work through some issues I had while making breakfast today.

[10:32] me: I almost spilled some oatmeal today
[10:32] me: i was gonna[sic] blog about that
[10:32] joe: yeah i hate that
[10:32] joe: it looks like you threw up
[10:32] joe: and it's unpleasant to clean
[10:33] me: I was alot more afraid of spilling the oatmeal than I expected to be
[10:33] me: looking back on the event
[10:34] joe: you unconsciously knew what a bitch it is to clean
[10:34] joe: do you have carpet?
[10:34] me: yeah, my heart was in my chest[sic]*

*Throat

I am way more afraid of spilling oatmeal than I would have guessed. I think that's a good reaction though. My fear heightened my ability to cope with the situation and no oatmeal was spilled. I was saved what would have been a 15 minute clean up time.

Thanks body!

Sarah Can't Believe She's Doing This

2006-05-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

Can anyone say hard hitting opinions and huge block paragraphs? Not one to cater to the faint of heart: Sarah today decided to start her own damn blog.

According to the title of her periodical no one is more surprised by this than she is.

It's MEAT!

2006-05-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: My lunch lacks meat. So eating a dick actually might have helped. I'm sorry blogosphere, I didn't mean to preemptively censure your good advice.

A Lunch that makes you want to eat lunch again

2006-05-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

This week I fell in with Mikix's plan for bagged lunches. The following is involved:

1 banana
5 Organic "Ritz" Crackers
1 handful of Baby Carrots
1 Stonyfield Lowfat Yogurt
1 Granola Bar
1 Apple (thanks for the reminder mike)

Rather surprisingly this is, in fact, a filling lunch. Rather unsurprisingly it is bland as butter and makes me want to eat a big bag of Doritos as soon as I've finished. I am hilariously reluctant to mess with this system, for no reason I can put my finger on, but it's clear to me that something is going to have to change.

Comments would be welcome, but try not to tell me to eat a dick. This is what I hope to come to expect from my readership.